I wonder…
A new chapter has began.
The previous chapters of my growing up journey can be summarized as;
The 1st chapter covers of my sophomore and junior years of university : The book called “ 色彩を持たない多崎つくると、彼の巡礼の年 (Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage)written by Haruki Murakami”
2nd chapter covers of my senior years to post graduate years:”the book called 著 — huózhe (To Live ) written by Yu Hua”
3rd chapter has been started but before I name it I would like to live through the end.
As I am preparing to go on a new journey, funnily enough I am barely ready for what awaits me there. Well, I learned life aint predictable. At least I have gathered what I will need most; Grit, trust, patience, bravery, will, hope, tears and joys.
This is not an impulsive journey. I am aware. I have a mission. I sacrifice many things to pursue the better version of me. I’m leaving my loved ones behind, I’m getting out of my comfort zone that I had dug myself for years, that’s plenty for me. Despite all my insecurities, worries and anxiety attacks, I am determined to overcome them by praying to Allah for guidance through the my journey.
I go by contemplating what goes/went over me and always try to mine the meanings from what’s been given to me. I confuse a lot though, its not like you can confirm the meanings you got, you just go live by them to see how wrong&right you were. Pondering over why I am stucked was more exhausting than what I was getting through. I had a harder time learning this than you can imagine, but I finally found the peace I needed. Finally I found a reliable frame for my perspective to perceive the life; I am not on the control, God indeed has a plan for me. All I got to do is ; Rely on Allah, keep making efforts and seek for the God’s wisdom.
[Allâh’a dayan sa’ye sarıl hikmete râm ol. Yol varsa budur bilmiyorum başka çıkar yol- Mehmet Akif Ersoy]
“He is the One Who sent down serenity upon the hearts of the believers so that they may increase even more in their faith. To Allah ˹alone˺ belong the forces of the heavens and the earth. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise.-48:4”
